Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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