i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
