I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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