heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize