He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
