Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
