hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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