sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
