Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and she was petting her beer can
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
