Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize