I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
