Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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