Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
