so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
