fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
