I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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