I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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