she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
