I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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