R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
