He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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