Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
