Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
