made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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