I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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