You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
