Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
