i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
