Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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