And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
