She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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