you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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