Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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