How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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