Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
