I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
