I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
