It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize