Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
