omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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