How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
