I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
