Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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