Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
