My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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