Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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