Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
