I'm lost and stupid without you.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
