I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
