What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
