As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
