Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
