And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
