I want to walk on stilts...naked
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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