Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
