I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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