We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
