Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
