if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
