i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
