So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
