Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
