Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
