pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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