just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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