you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
