You can't special order awesome
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
