Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
