He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize