I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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